Beginning Again.

     It has been over a year since I have written anything.... I would say that I can't believe it, but that wouldn't be true.  I know why I haven't written....... Because my brain has turned to absolute mush. I can't remember what day it is, what someone said to me 10 minutes ago, and I forget common words.... Like "deck."
     How is that even possible? Probably because I spend a good bit of my day making sure my son isn't trying to eat bees, stick a screwdriver in a MacBook charger (to fix it), playing with a wine bottle opener (they are sharp), saying "grown up words" (only "damn" so far), and the list of "no-no's" goes on.
     Thinking about trying to make it to the first baseball game of the season, and the first one of Will's life..... I think that I am more excited about it than he is.  Nothing like summer days, ball caps, gloved hands, and warm beer in plastic cups.   I hope he enjoys himself, being that I have built it up into such a huge event in my head.
     Raising him is such a joy, most of the time. I don't mind admitting that sometimes I really feel defeated.  Then I think it could be worse - I could be missing 90% of all of it by not being here.   My child speaks in full sentences, which is amazing.... But he never stops.  "Bossy" doesn't begin to describe it, as he told me this evening to "go back in the house kitchen to work on dinner."  WTH?  It would ha been funnier If he hadn't been right.

Sigh.  I'm whipped.

And GO!

If you had asked me last year what I would be doing at this time in my life, my answer probably wouldn't have been "staying at home."  I had a pretty decent job, which I enjoyed (at times)... But I did enjoy working with the people there....  So leaving after seven years has been a little difficult.  Adult conversation, and using my brain for REAL stuff (other than making flashcards, planning dinner, and trying to get grape stains out of a BRAND NEW pair of shorts) was fun.  Exhausting, but fun, and I felt like I was pulling my weight.

Now, being at home, I don't feel like I'm not pulling my weight... But it feels -- different.  I foolishly thought that I would have more free time, more sleep, more creative moments, more "housewifery".  Instead I find that I have more laundry than I know what to do with, I worry about "sensory bins", and colors/numbers/languages.  I feel bad about not keeping a cleaner house, or planning better meals, or decorating, or how about just UNPACKING my crap from a move two months ago.

Do other stay at home moms just have their shit (sorry Mom) more together than I do?  Have I not been doing it long enough to learn the ropes?  Am I not following the right Pinterest boards?  Certainly somewhere there is a handbook on how to do it ALL, and be happy about it.

But I can't deny that I am happy about it.  Ridiculously so.  Being able to spend my entire day with my son (even when he is being a pain) is a blessing....  Being able to stand outside with the kiddo and wave bye to dad, instead of rushing out of the house in the dark.  Being home when Dad comes home, and having him find us dancing in the kitchen.  It's an amazing thing, this time that I have been given.  It may be more work (and it is), but so far I am loving every minute of it.  And once I get the hang of it, I'm sure that I will have time to do the other things.

Writing all of this just reminds me that time is fleeting.  Best to put emphasis on the important stuff, and it isn't the laundry.

Song For a Fith Child, by Ruth Hamilton. 1958

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
and out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
but I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.  
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

End of April Brain Dump.

It's hard to believe that it has been almost two years since I have last written on my blog.  I say "my blog" like it is something that I do often.... but really it's just a webpage that I visit occasionally.... Hopefully soon to be rectified.

So much has happened in these last few years....  In October 2011, I gave birth to our son, William.  Life changing event (as many people told me.)  What a joy it has been to experience a NEW LIFE with someone.... I see why people have kids.... All the possibilities.  It is such a clean slate.  But oh so hard to know what to do, and how to raise a whole person.

In the last month I have gone against anything that I have ever studied for, and decided to become a stay at home mom..... I keep telling everyone that I foolishly thought that I would have MORE free time being at home.... But I don't.  Secretly, I am enjoying every second of it.....  How awesome it is to get up and know that you don't have to tell your little one that you can't play with them, hold them, sing to them, etc because you are getting ready to go to work.  It isn't what I went to school for, but it is the hardest job I have ever done.  What if I screw up?  How do I teach my child to be kind, patient, loving, learn to share, and just live in this world in general?  What an overwhelming, yet rewarding task.  I can't say that I don't like it.  It's much more amazing working 6:30am to 8:00pm at home, than working 9:00 to 5:00pm at an office.  And in the evening, maybe I have actually accomplished something.  But man, no stay at home mom has it easy.

I used to be such a creative person but work, life, time in general got in the way.... Maybe having a blog is a way to get back on the track of making something -- anything that no one has ever made before.

I Have a garden!

This year I convinced my loving husband to build me a raised garden bed, for my very first vegetable garden.... I know, I'm a late bloomer.  Normally I can keep very few plants alive, but this year so far so good.

Our garden is small at the moment, right now only 4'x8'.  That is pretty much all I have room for.  I may have over planted it, as I have physically run out of space for all the veggies that I want to grow.

In no particular order:
3 types of tomato plants
Cucumbers
Snow peas
Green beans
Yellow peppers
Collard Greens

That's all I had room for in the main plot.  In two large pots on the back deck are jalepenos and basil & oregano.

No squash or zucchini this year.... Normally we can pick up those at the local farmers market.

As an update, I already have a few small green tomatoes growing!  I can't wait to eat them :)  My rosebush that I have had for years and managed not to kill has already put out a few blooms.  Them smell divine, and are the most beautiful pale yellow/pink color that I have ever seen.  Of course I might be a bit partial to it.  I believe I see the beginnings of a tiny sprout of my hummingbird vine.  Here is a picture for reference:

  

It is one of the most dainty, fast growing things I have ever seen, and I LOVE it.

In other news, I still wish that I could have some chickens.  I don't know why I want them so badly.  Something about fresh eggs and their "buck buck buck" seems to call to me.  Unfortunately we live in a neighborhood where they are expressly forbidden.  Which is probably a good thing.  I am not sure how the dogs would treat the chickens, and I would be feel horrible if something happened to them.

 Today I hope to put up my tomato stakes, bee house, and pea supports.  I am hoping that by adding some large metal objects to the garden, I can keep Rosco out of it.....  Large white hounds can be detrimental to newly developing young veggies.

Ten.thing.Sunday.

Ahh,  once again I am wracking my brain to find some things to be thankful for.  I live a pretty blessed life, so you would think that I would have LOADS of stuff to list, but when it comes to writing them down.... I find myself forgetful.

And, in NO particular, extra random order, here goes:

1. Cars with good brakes.  Otherwise I would never have been able to stop in time to save this little gem.  One on the right found in the road by me, one on the left found by Ben.  Both let go in a HUGE natural habitat on some government protected land.
   
   

   

   Two baby (hatched this year) box turtles

2. BEAUTIFUL Fall weather.  It seams that I have been waiting all year for this, how I wish that I lived somewhere that might be fall year round.... Of course, I might get tired of it then.
3. The fact that we will be getting a fence soon.  I am told that good fences make good neighbors, and I am looking forward to proving that statement correct.
4. Appalachain State Homecoming!!!  Since my brother and sister-in-law started the tradition last year, I now find myself counting the days until our trip to the mountains.  This year it is October 9th, so next weekend Ben and I will be kicking it in Beautiful Boone, old school style.
5. The ability to go home for lunch during the work day.  It is nice to be able to come home, check on the dogs, turtles, cats, start laundry, dishes, etc.  And now that the weather is getting colder, I can come home and start dinner, with the help of a crock pot.
6. My crock pot(s).  I swear that whomever invented them should be showered with baked goods.  There is nothing more amazing than being able to dump a bunch of raw stuff in a crock pot, set it on low, and go back to work.  When you come home from a long day, dinner is already MADE!  Amazing!
7. Pens that write well- Ramdom I know, but there is something to be said about a nice gel pen that doesn't skip and leave blots when you use it.  I like writing with new pens so much, I find myself feeling guilty for not writing more with them.
8. My wheeled luggage that I got from my Mom for graduating from highschool.  Those bags have been everywhere with me, and who doesn't love the fact that it has WHEELS?  And the big bag.... I honestly think that I could get zipped up in it and travel for free, that's how big the bag is.
9. My Roper cowboy boots that my father got me when I went to a horse back riding camp in middle school.  Amazingly they still fit (poor me, apparently I had rather large feet as a child) and they are some of my most comfortable shoes.
10. A big pot of CHILI.  Because it is yummy.

Flaky.biscuits.and.a.Saturday.morning.....

Wow, what an incredible day so far.  I woke at 7:30 but dozed until 8:45 or so, which is when the neighbor started mowing his yard.  I don't mind, because it's beautiful outside, and I wouldn't want to sleep any more of the day away.

My Saturday started off with all sorts of good things.....  Birds singing, turtles basking, dog tails wagging.... AND flaky cheese biscuits.  They were so good, I actually took a picture of them sitting on the counter in the sunshine.  I will post it later, for those of you who want to be envious over the 'net.

Today will be a somewhat busy day for us.  There is a baby shower for some dear friends to go to, gifts to be wrapped, dogs to be boarded, dishwasher unloaded, cats fed, turtles fed, dogs fed, toes painted (mine).  If I'm up to it, I may even attempt some laundry, but that's a BIG if.

Somehow I don't mind doing housework with the windows open and sun coming in through the blinds.  Everything looks bright, and shows dust so much more that it normally would.  But I won't let that dampen my spirits.  We haven't missed Spring after all!  I was honestly thinking that we were going to go straight from a rainy winter into early summer, but today's weather has proved me wrong.  High today of 72... Last night the low hovered around 36, and I turned on my bed warmer for possibly the last time this season.

To everyone that is as blessed as I am with beautiful weather- ENJOY!

Ten.thing.Sunday.

As promised, I am continuing my new Sunday tradition of listing 10 random things that I am thankful for.  I was concerned that at first I wouldn't be able to come up with 10 things, so if I drop off at 7 or so, please forgive me.  It's been a VERY long week, and I am so looking forward to a 4-day weekend upcoming.


So to start it off.....  In no particular order, I am thankful for..............


10.  Having this coming Friday off.  There, I said it.  As much as I like my job, I have a feeling this week is going to be a long one, despite only being four days long.


9.  For our flowering tree in the front yard.  We have had it for a few years now, and I am not sure what type of tree it is.  Asian pear maybe?  We call it our "bella tree."  Since we planted it in honor of my much loved cat who died a few years ago.

This is the first year that I have seen it bloom, and I honestly thought I would kill it, and never see it flower.  I think I will enjoy watching it this spring.

8.  Gray, rainy Sundays.  Even though there is housework to be done, I am glad to be sitting on the couch with my husband, being very lazy.  If it was sunny outside, I would certainly feel the need to be moving around more than I have been.  

7.  My flattop stove.  How I love having a stove/oven that doesn't use the old style burners.  It makes cleaning such a breeze, and can serve as a worktop if i ever don't have enough counter space.

6.  Our large set of chimes.  They are old, and starting to look a little weathered.  But I love them.  They are about 4 feet long, and we first saw them many years ago in a store in Charleston, SC.  The tones they make on a windy day just can not be beat.... Unless they are up against the sound of the cowbell chimes that my mom has on her house on the 'Keag River.  Those sound pretty good as well.

5.  Sleeping cats.  There is nothing more relaxing than seeing a cat curled up sleepily on a couch.  You really feel like the world, when all they want from you is a lap, and you are GREAT at providing it.

4.  My pampered Chef stoneware bar pan.... It really does make the best pork loins.

3.  The smell of freshly bleached, washed, and dried bath towels.  The only way that could get any better is if you hung them on a line to dry, instead of throwing them in a dryer.

2.  The fact that the days are getting longer.  I really am enjoying seeing the sun come up every day as I get ready for and head into work.

1.  The ability to go to bed early, when I want to.  

And on that note, a very worn out girl is signing off.